30 Things I’ve Learned at 30
Officially 30, Flirty, & Thriving! One chapter closes as another one opens. For me the 20s were high highs and low lows. As I’ve been reflecting on this past decade, I had to create a podcast episode and BLOG about 30 Things I’ve Learned at 30 and hope this wisdom can help you along your journey.
Capricorn’s are known to age backwards so I know it’s only up from here and this decade will be the best one yet ;)
BE PRESENT
Actually being present is a difficult mindset for us to be in. We are constantly reminded of our to do list, goals, what we should be accomplishing, or sometimes thoughts of the past creep in. As a society we are over functioning and competitive and this takes away from us truly being able to enjoy the present moment. It’s important to close your eyes, breathe, and remember there is only here and now. Moments are fleeting so enjoy the present moment because time is truly a present.
2. DON’T HAVE REGRETS
One of the worst feelings is looking back and having regrets. We can never go back in time and sometimes that feeling eats away at us. It’s always better to do and say how you really feel than to regret not doing it. Also it’s better to try something and fail and know it wasn’t for you so it can lead you to the right path. The feeling of regretting not taking action is so much worse. Live your life to fullest where you can say you did and tried everything and have NO REGRETS.
3. EXPERIENCES OVER MATERIAL ITEMS
We all like to treat ourselves and splurge from time to time. (We’re only human) And we need actual material items to survive. However, valuing experience over keeping up with the jones’s will bring more happiness and fulfillment. The feeling of buying something to make ourselves feel good lasts momentarily and then we’re chasing the next things. Taking trips, traveling, going to concerts, and having new experiences will create lasting memories. Especially if you gift them to someone else. For example, I gift baseball tickets to my dad every Father’s Day and we’ve made that our new tradition so now we both have a memory of that experience and it’s a gift to both of us. Consider giving yourself an experience before buying something that will probably sit around the house and collect dust.
4. START INVESTING
One thing I hear from the older generations is that they wish they were more educated on finances and had started investing much sooner. Unfortunately, investing isn’t taught in schools and most parents don’t have the knowledge themselves to teach to their children. The people that know the most are those that work in the industry. On the bright side, there are tons of resources available now like books, podcasts, blogs, and social media accounts that teach others how to work smarter, not harder with investing. Starting a 401k as soon as you start working and have a diversified portfolio are key to growing wealth and having a retirement nest egg. The sooner you invest, the sooner the money will grow in your pockets! The worst thing you could do is not invest at all.
5. ACCUMULATING DEBT ISN’T WORTH IT
Tagging along with investing and experiences over material items, accumulating debt and keeping up with the jones’s isn’t worth it. I know so many people that have racked up their credit cards and gotten into serious debt. Once you get in that hole, it’s very hard to get out and affects your credit score, getting approved for big purchases, and potentially being hired for a certain job. The cost of living is high, so avoiding credit card debt is extremely difficult these days. However, doing everything you can to not fall into the trap of materialism and consumerism will save you later on. Trends change so quickly and it’s wasteful to the environment and your wallet. At the end of the day, who are we really trying to impress?
6. EMBRACE YOUR LIFE PATH
For the longest time, I really struggled accepting what was meant for me. I feel like I’ve been a trying to fit myself into a box and fit in instead of embracing my authentic self and the right path for my life. This turned a corner for me this last year upon my 30th birthday. It’s easy to feel like we have an invisible yardstick we’re being measured up against and trying to meet those life milestones of buying a house, getting married, having children, being promoted, etc. Like they say comparison is the thief of joy. Once you start thinking about what you truly want, what will fulfill you, and living in alignment with that, everything changes. You no longer feel the need to compare and can be content with your goals and where you’re at in life. It’s okay to be unique and have your life path looks completely different than those around you. Embracing this will lead you to success and joy in every aspect of your life.
7. ACCEPT YOURSELF
This has been tough for me for the longest time, but I’m starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Loving yourself and embracing your quirks, flaws, weirdness, and what makes you YOU, is so liberating. In a world telling us to be anything but ourselves, we reject who we really are and try to fit in becoming like anyone else. (Hence the term Basic Bitch) It’s okay to like what you like, but following the masses and not having your own identity is self-sabotage. Life is too short to not embrace who we really are and be ourselves. People will be drawn to you and respect more for it too. In summary, BE YOU. It’s the best version of you and you are a one of a kind human being.
8. HEARTBREAK & GRIEF MAKES YOU STRONGER
Heartbreak and grief are two of the hardest things you go through in life. Some go through it more than others, some experience it earlier in their life, and you never know when it could hit you or how. These moments are the toughest, but also make us the strongest. As painful as it can be to go through, it changes our life forever and finding the silver lining in it all is key. We are forever changed after heartbreak and grief and sometimes it can be a catalyst that shapes the rest of our life path. One caveat to heartbreak is that a lot of times it teaches us the most about ourselves, we learn what we want and don’t want from a relationship, and it usually leads us to the right person. We are taught lessons and tested, but we come out stronger at the end of it and cherish life and relationships more.
9. VALUE TIME WITH FRIENDS & FAMILY
It sounds cliche, but it’s so true. I think naturally as we get older we realize how important our friends and family really are. Especially as we go through hardships, have our own children, and need people to lean on. We are social beings and need each other to survive and be well. Family relationships are complicated, but cultivating HEATHY relationships is the goal. If you have a support system, cherish these memories and the time with the those around you. Don’t take it for granted because tomorrow is never promised and circumstances changes. I think making a point to check in with people and reach out is also helpful and you never know how much it could mean to someone.
10. LIMIT NEGATIVE ENERGY
There can be many sources of negative energy around us throughout the day. This includes toxic people, toxic jobs, the news, and too much tv or social media. Censoring what we’re exposed to and monitoring the energy around us can be beneficial to us in many ways. I like to think of the term boundaries when it comes to this concept. Examples of this include taking social media breaks, unfollowing accounts that don’t make you feel good, not being tuned into the news 24/7, establishing boundaries with others, and cutting out toxic people and jobs. Anything that drains you and makes you feel bad is not for you. (Also decluttering and feng shui can be helpful for good energy flow too) Surrounding yourself with positive energy will help your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health.
11. IT’S OKAY TO CHANGE CAREER PATHS
I used to be so hard on myself in my early and mid 20s. I felt like I needed to know what I wanted to do or what my dream job was. I felt like everyone else around me had it figured out, but me. Society puts pressure of young people and we feel like we must know what we want to do for the rest of our lives out of college. Very few people know and only time and life experience can truly show us the right career path. It’s okay to change careers and not like you’re current job. Most people don’t like their current job and chase money or titles. It keeps you in a cycle that prevents you from finding the right career path. As I said earlier, it’s better to try something and know it’s not for you. It’s a process of trial and error.
What helped me the most was learning about myself and trying different jobs. I didn’t see this as my future out of college, but this was the path meant for me. When you truly know who are and what makes you tick, it makes it easier to figure out what career path is best. I figured out that being my own boss, working independently, and being a creative director of some sort will be most fulfilling and that has become a clear path to my career goals. Anyone can work a 9-5 and apply for any job. If that’s not what you want, then doing inner work and digging deep will be required to help you find your life purpose. It’s not an easy road and for the faint of heart, but it’ll be one of the best accomplishments in life and lead to so much more happiness, fulfillment, and purpose. A lot of times the money comes to you when you’re not chasing it and you’re pursing something you’re passionate about.
12. LIVE ALONE AT LEAST ONCE
I absolutely LOVE living alone. The only word that can capture this experience is PEACE. Being in your own space hits different. It feels like a sanctuary that’s warm and cozy where I can fully be myself. Some people are afraid of living alone because it seems scary, they’ve never done it, and the other word people tend to think of is lonely. Have we all had our moments of loneliness living alone? Yes, because this a natural human experience. However, those moments are few and far between and you don’t feel lonely when you can enjoy your own company in solitude. Being able to keep every piece of furniture as you want it or every inch clean and living by yourself is a rewarding experience that not everyone has the opportunity to experience. If you’re able to, even for 1 year, I highly recommend it. You’ll learn about yourself, become content in your own company, and really experience peace.
13. HAVE HOBBIES
This is something I learned as I got older. I realized the importance of hobbies and how beneficial it is. I think we get bogged down in the day to day with work and chores making it hard to cultivate hobbies. It is important in the grand scheme of things. We need to be challenged and grow as human beings and hobbies are a great way to do this. It encourages us to step outside our comfort zone and engage in different activities for the pure enjoyment. We can challenge ourselves to be become good at it, but we can also have hobbies to just be present and decompress. This could be anything from reading, traveling, playing sports, painting, doing a craft, cooking, baking, anything really. Something outside of your job, daily responsibilities, and consuming media via tv or social media. Hobbies may only serve as a personal activity, but you could also meet other people if it’s through a class, it could uncover a hidden talent, lead to a different career path, and overall give you deeper enjoyment in life.
14. LIVE IN A NEW CITY OR TRAVEL
I personally think having new experiences, traveling, or living in a new city are life experiences to be had. If you’ve been dying to leave your hometown and experience somewhere new, DO IT. It’s not easy to start over somewhere new, but being able to navigate a new city and make friends are important skills and will help you branch outside your comfort zone. You may love it so much and never want to leave. Or it could make you realize it’s not for you and you want to move back to your hometown. You need that experience to appreciate home and help you figure out the place for you. If you are convinced you will never move anywhere else, then at least travel. As humans, we are not meant to stay in the same spot all the time. Exploring nearby towns or going to a different city in your state will suffice. It doesn’t have to be an exotic, foreign country. Traveling feeds your soul and the more you do it, the more comfortable you’ll get going to places that are further away or where you don’t speak the same language. Get out there and start traveling!
15. THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT
This is a huge personal struggle of mine I’m still navigating. I think perfectionism affects more people than not. There’s no such things as the perfect timing, perfect job, perfect partner, etc. And striving for personal perfection is self-sabotage. It’s like chasing a dangling carrot on a hamster wheel. Being able to accept ourselves and our lives in the present moment will prevent the exhaustion and burn out that perfectionism can cause. Taking action, taking risks, and leaning into the messy imperfection that is life will make the experience lighter and easier. Otherwise we are swimming against the current and beating ourselves up. Just know it’s okay to be messy and not perfect. You don’t need to have it all figured out.
16. THERAPY
Therapy, therapy, therapy. I cannot emphasize it enough. It is one of the best forms of self-care and investments in life. Luckily, therapy is becoming more normalized and talked about in our society. It can be helpful for something specific in your life or a way to learn more about yourself. Therapists help you help yourself. I honestly consider it a cheat code to life. It’s crazy because I could be stewing about something for weeks and then I’ll have a session with my therapist and my perspective is completely changed from one sentence they say. I highly recommend seeking a therapist at some point in your life if you haven’t already.
17. KARMA
What comes around goes around. I am a firm believer in karma and it personally helps dictate my moral compass. I know that if I do something wrong the karma gods WILL deliver my serving. It’s also just a good principle to live by. Do unto others as you would want others do unto you. Spread kindness and you will receive it in return. Karma doesn’t have an expiration date, so even if something hasn’t happened to you or someone else yet, it doesn’t mean it won’t. Karma is on it’s own time. Over time, I have experienced how the good karma comes back to me in so many forms and I intend to live by this for the rest of my life. So keep this in the back of your mind next time you’re having an internal battle with yourself.
18. INVEST IN QUALITY ITEMS
While overspending and keeping up with the jones’s isn’t advised, some items are worth investing in. Quality items you will use frequently are worth a higher price tag. This could vary person to person, but a few items that come to mind are luggage, jeans, hair styling tools, electronics, food, household appliances, and skincare. These are common items we use almost everyday and buying cheap version that you have to keep replacing will hurt you in the long run. Sometimes we waste more money having to replace items instead of investing in a quality item that’s more money, but will last much longer. Or if it’s related to heath, like food and skincare, this would be worth it because we only get one body and if we don’t take it care of it now, there’s no going back. Using discernment to know what’s worth investing in, doing research on products, and looking at reviews is crucial.
19. SOME FRIENDS ARE MEANT FOR A SEASON, A REASON, OR A LIFETIME
One lesson I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older is that some friends really are for a season, reason, or lifetime. As we evolve and go through different of phases of life, so do friends. Some friends stick by us through it all, some only a short period of life, and some for a specific reason. I have experienced all of them and it doesn’t necessarily get easier. I always hope that I can stay friends with someone forever, but understand that friends come and go and it’s not linear. We realize we have outgrown some friendships, they’re not reciprocal, life circumstances pop up, and ultimately we learn who is the best company to keep. It’s okay to be sad that not all friendships last. Just know each person and friendship served a purpose in your life and keeping space for those that give the most love are the best relationships for you.
20. CONFIDENCE IS KEY
I could have a whole blog post in itself about confidence. I wonder if anyone ever truly feels confident? It has been one of the biggest learning curves for me. I still struggle with it and it’s something I’ve had to unpack on my own personal journey. The world and our society doesn’t make it easy for us to feel confident, especially women. Everything is competitive and we’re in a constant state of comparison. Finding your true, authentic self and accepting yourself will help your confidence grow. So will having boundaries, sticking up yourself, speaking your mind, being firm in your opinion, trusting yourself, and not caring what anyone else thinks. Easier said than done, but feeling confident in who are also leads more success in your career and dating life and has a trickle down effect. They say fake it til you make it so here’s to feeling okay with feeling CONFIDENT.
21. WORK TO LIVE NOT LIVE TO WORK
I am a firm believe that we were not put on this Earth to slave away and work. Unfortunately, we were forced into an archaic system of capitalism and need money to survive. However, I’m all about balance and this is the secret. We shouldn’t live to work all the time and give into the hustle and grind culture. We are humans that need time to just be and not be on the go 24/7. That’s why our physical and mental health has worsened over time. Some ways to incorporate this daily is to take lunch breaks, use all of your sick days and PTO, establish boundaries with work, and do things that fill your cup. You are replaceable and a corporation doesn’t care about you. It’s not worth risking your happiness, health, or time with your family. There is more to life than working and being “productive” We are meant to experience pleasure and enjoy life!
22. INVEST IN YOUR HEALTH
I think overall health is something we tend to take for granted. Taking care of your body is vital for a long, happy life. This includes mental and physical health. It’s easy to put off exercise, not go to therapy, have an extra drink, but all that adds up and can take a toll. Once a health ailment develops, it can be hard to cure it. Recently, I’ve started making the switch to healthier alternatives for cleaning products, detergents, and ingredients in food. Starting with small habits makes the more difficult ones easier. Going to sleep 30 mins earlier, limiting technology, drinking tea instead of coffee, having a mocktail instead of wine during the week, going for a 30 mins walk, find however you’re able to incorporate healthier habits throughout the day. There’s no better time to start than today!
23. TRY A HOLISTIC MODALITY
Following investing in your health, another way to do this is by trying a holistic modality. I think holistic medicine is highly underrated and it can be so beneficial to overall health and specific health ailments. I personally believe sometimes we lean too heavily on prescriptions or modern medicine to act as a band aid without considering other options. I’m in a fan of reiki, acupuncture, massages, and going to the chiropractor. A lot of them are considered ancient medicine and have been used for centuries in other countries, so I think there’s something to be said about that. My advice to be open minded and consider all options when it comes to your health.
24. GRATITUDE
Gratitude is good for the heart and soul. Sometimes life feels unfair and we don’t get our way. It can lead us down the path of complaining, being negative, losing hope, and overall feeling disheartened. It’s okay to acknowledge your feelings and feel them. Knowing when to let it pass and not continue dwelling is important. Let’s say you’re having a bad day. That can lead to us feeling like we have a bad life, which usually isn’t the case. Taking a minute to write just three things you’re grateful for and it can turn your whole day around. You may even go past three and see there is so much to be grateful for in life. Pausing and feeling gratitude will uplift you and is not only needed during hard times. When we focus on lack of that’s all we’re going to see. When we’re in a space of gratitude and can change our perspective to see the good, that’s when things flow and start to go our way.
25. TEND TO YOUR INNER CHILD
A psychology concept that has become more widely known is the inner child. This is part of yourself that was your truest form as a child. Overtime different experiences and the way we were raised had an impact on our development and our inner child. Nurturing this part of yourself is helpful for healing and getting to know yourself better. It also brings you closer to your true, authentic self. For example, you may have loved to paint when you were younger and closed off this part of yourself because someone made fun of you or it wasn’t “cool” to do anymore. As an adult, if you tend to your inner child you could rediscover your love for painting and realize this helps you decompress after a long week and brings you joy. Tending to your inner child will look different for everyone, but it will be beneficial for your own personal growth.
26. TREAT YOURSELF & INVEST IN YOURSELF
It’s okay to treat yourself in moderation and it is needed at times. There are different forms of self-care, but investing in yourself and treating yourself has a big impact. Something simple like getting a new haircut or outfit can boost your confidence. Gifting yourself a massage or facial can help relieve stress more than a glass of wine could. We have to remember not to put ourselves on the back burner or be restrictive. If we can’t care for ourselves, it will affect the relationships around us too. As the saying goes “Treat yo self!”
27. MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS
This is always in the back of my mind now. Managing my expectations and the picture I create in my mind. Sometimes we don’t realize we are putting so much pressure on ourselves and others. We want have this vision for how we think something is going to happen and are then let down. Managing expectations when it comes to others, your partner, coworkers, or anything in your daily life is critical. It will prevent frustration, disappointment, arguments, sadness, and anything that doesn’t serve you. Letting go of expectations and going with the flow has been life changing for me. I find things go my way more when I can surrender and let things happen as they’re supposed to instead of focusing on what I think should happen or controlling the outcome. Let go and let god.
28. LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION
I could also have an entire blog post about listening to your intuition. This has become vital at this point in my life. I didn’t realize how much I didn’t trust myself for the longest time. It’s easy to ignore your intuition and let your brain make factual decisions or let other people cloud your judgement. I have had it happen many times in my life. It’s that feeling of “Ugh I knew I should have/have not done that and listened to my initial feeling” A gut feeling exists for a reason and we need it to survive. It gets easier to tune into yourself the more you do it. The difference between anxiety and intuition is that when you’re making a decision based on fear you will feel unsettled, anxious, rushed, and face resistance. When you make a decision from a place of using your intuition, you feel an inner knowing, calm, protected, and then things will usually flow more easily because you’re making a decision that’s truly in line with you. Trusting you can make the right decision for yourself will be so impactful and change your life for the best. No one knows you better than you know yourself.
29. HAVE A PET OR PLANT
Nurturing something other than yourself feels so good, especially if you live alone. Having a furry friend to come home to and show unconditional love is the best. You have a sacred bond with your pet only you two will understand. If a pet seems like too much responsibility, opt for a house plant. There are low maintenance plants that only need to be watered once a week. Plants are good feng shui and it’s still another living being you are helping grow and take care of. Both are good for the soul, whichever you choose.
30. FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR LIFE
Last but not least, fall in love with the life you’re living! We only get one and have to make it count. The purpose of me writing this list was to help others remember these tidbits so you can truly live your best life. Not everyday is going to be happy and perfect. Building a life you want to wake up to everyday should be our purpose. Life shouldn’t be all struggle and pain. You are in control and in the driver’s seat of your life. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Get out there and start living the life your dreams! I have faith in you since you made it all the way to end of the this blog post ;)
Sending love…. Adrianna
